https://www.theonion.com/china-threatens-to-retaliate-for-pelosi-s-taiwan-trip-b-1849343979
China Threatens To Retaliate For Pelosi’s Taiwan Trip By Letting Her Return Safely
BEIJING—Warning the United States that the House Speaker would be spared, China reportedly threatened to retaliate Thursday for Nancy Pelosi’s trip to Taiwan by letting her return safely. “Should Nancy Pelosi follow through with her planned trip to Taiwan, China will be forced to take the hostile measure to weaken America by allowing her to return unscathed,” said President Xi Jinping, warning that any move by Pelosi to legitimize the Taiwanese regime would be met with a first class ticket back so that she is well-rested and ready to return to legislative matters. “The folly of America’s intransigence on China’s territorial claims will be made clear when Ms. Pelosi is permitted to set foot back on U.S. soil and continue to shape national policy. We have the entire might of the Chinese military standing by ready to defend Ms. Pelosi from any possible threat.” At press time, Chinese leadership was tested in their resolve to keep Pelosi alive after hearing her speak.
